Weirdness

I'm feeling floaty and happy. Barely 2 days ago, I was a wreck. What a strange, strange week it has been. But a beautiful week nonetheless.

The circumstances are tragic, but there is happiness to be milked from even the most dire situations. That I have learned.

That hurt. A whole lot more than I expected it to.

I'm numb. Cold.

It all feels so devastatingly familiar, only more intense. I never thought I'd go through all this again, ever. Months down the line, lightning has struck. Again.

This is quite excruciating.

I can't think straight. Somebody please knock some sense into me.

Better yet, knock me out. I don't want to feel.

I Think I Love Her...

There's nobody quite like Ms Clara Chung.

And you.

Powerless

The fans were dead and perspiration crept tortuously on my skin. My family slumbered lifelessly on adjacent beds. I should be doing the same, but I didn’t want to. I was waiting.

A warm glow pierces the darkness, followed by a familiar whir of plastic against tiles.

I sprang in wakefulness and reached for my phone. It was her. The phone’s backlight illuminated the sheets in a tense, almost eerie manner, but I couldn’t care less. I read and reread the message under the blanketing darkness of night and beamed stupidly at myself. A frenzied keypad assault ensued. Dad mumbles groggily and I only caught two words- ‘phone’ and ‘off’.

‘Just one more message’ I whispered. Strings of alphabets raced across the screen. Five minutes and 400 characters later, I reread the wall of text; all good. ‘Message sent.’

I pocketed my phone and stared into the ceiling, still smiling moronically. I’ve not felt like this in a while but oh, did it feel good. This was high school all over again.

I checked my phone. No messages received yet. It’s okay.

More ceiling-staring ensued. I wonder if she felt the same way. Of course she does, you stupid boy. But that’s the least of your worries. Doubt and helplessness soon manifested. A thousand ‘what if’s’ swamped my mind and I found myself cussing at ‘circumstances.’ This is painful, I thought.

The phone whirred to life. Ah, bliss again.

Letters

(This post is a part of the 30 Day Letter Challenge that I've decided to take up, and the following letters are dedicated to the respective individuals)


Day 3 — Your parents

Dear mom and dad,

Sorry for giving you guys so much shit when I was younger. I know you have high hopes for me and but really, my high school years could do with a lot more freedom. I'm glad you're not subjecting bro to this, and I'm even more glad that the two of you are treating me as an adult now. I could get used to this. But you guys still rock all the same. :)

Young

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Dear bro,

Interesting how our relationship has evolved over the years, aye? I used to hate you so so much but now, you're like a best friend to me. I often compare my younger self to you, and quite frankly, you kicked my 14-year-old ass. Now go forth and conquer the world because you can.

Young

Day 5 — Your dreams

Dear dreams,

You are simple, you are complex. You are constant yet ever-changing. Sometimes you tease me with your reachability and sometimes I feel shadowed by your impossibility. I hope we meet one day.

Young

The Red Hippopotamus

Watched the Green Hornet today and it was a quack movie. Utterly bonkers mad. Even Jay Chou and his squinty eyes were unable to contain the insanity that this flick has brought forth. And it cost me Rm20 wtf. Admittedly, I guffawed my way through 2 hours of madness but still! 20 bucks! For a substanceless movie!

In other news, I just rediscovered that I absolutely suck at initating conversations with acquaintances whom I bump into by chance. Like totally suck balls. Only with acquaintances though. And only those whom I meet by chance.

Day 2

(This post is a part of the 30 Day Letter Challenge that I've decided to take up, and the following letter is dedicated to her.)

Day 2: Crush

Dear Crush,

Is that what you are? A crush? I honestly don't know the answer myself. Whether or not anything substantial materializes in the future is far beyond my control but either way, I'm glad we met. You are special.

Young

Day 1

(This post is a part of the 30 Day Letter Challenge that I've decided to take up, and the following letters are dedicated to the respective individuals)

Day 1: Best Friend

Dear best friend(s),

Let's get this straight, I refuse to reduce my inner social circle to just one person, so this letter will address three groups of my most cherished friends:

First off, to my university medical brotherhood (+ 1 girl),

Wow, we are a strange bunch aren't we? I never thought I'd click so well with a group with such distinct members. Public Health, tutorial, tennis, Deal evenings, movie Mondays, road trips, drinking nights; you guys are complete whacks and there's nothing in the world that would make me want to change any of that. Thank you for everything that you guys have done, from supporting each other through nightmare-ish exams to pulling each other out of our love-life shitholes. Thank you.

Next, to my college buddies J and S,

Thank you J, for being the only person in college who could match my kiasuness LOL. I cherish how you took our academic rivalry so seriously yet at the same time, possess all the qualities a great friend (and person) should have. It's rather unfortunate that distance and personal commitments have pushed us apart; I'm hoping that future circumstances will be more favourable for our friendship. Either way, I have no doubt that you'll make a fine, fine doctor, whatever path you choose to go.

Thank you S, for being the crazy friend that you are. :) It's incredibly difficult to find someone like you, someone I can talk to about whacked-out stuff and serious commentary in one seating. Your energy is admirable and your commitment to friendship is even more so. Thank you for the numerous late-night call/chat sessions and for your warm hospitality. You are one of a kind. :D

And finally to my high school mates, B and B.

Same initials, very different people. First off, I must apologise for not taking the initiative to organise more meet-ups this round of holidays. =/ I cherish the times in high school, with our simple life and small dreams. Now that we're off chasing the world, I have come to appreciate the value of our friendships because it must've been impossibly difficult for you two to bear with my rebellious and egoistical high school self. Friction may have existed in the early days of our friendship (especially with the taller B), but I'm glad we pulled through the tough times intact. Here's to more teacher-cussing and school condemning in the future.

Yours truly.

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

Let's face it, letters are highly romanticized. We simply cannot resist the captivating charm of a well-worded letter, and this is even more so when said letter is unsent. How can something be so mysterious yet so personable at the same time? When I first saw this challenge/meme on Adelyn's blog, I felt immediately compelled to do it and after a day (or two, maybe three) of procrastination, here be the letters!

If you think you might be one of the following people in my life, watch out for your letter. :)


The 30 Day Letter Challenge

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Paper Mâché

I wonder how people look like through her eyes.Are they just amalgamations of titles, numbers, qualifications and certificates? Sometimes, I really wonder if she sees the compassion in him, or his maturity beyond his years, or his enthusiasm for life, or his righteousness and integrity, or his dedication to a cause, or his intelligence, or his unwaivering perseverance and dilligence. I wonder if she can see the outstanding human being that he is, that the world needs more people like him. I wonder if she values prestige and recognition over his humanity. Sometimes, I wonder if she can see him for all that he's worth.

Sometimes I wonder if she would be happier if he was replaced with a paper mâché instead.

Flip Flop Man.

I posted something angry and vicious a few moments ago, and decided to duly remove it. Now I have half a mind to put it back up. And it's not the first time this has happened. Sometimes I wonder if I should just make my blog anonymous.

Wtf.

Redacting

I have once again fallen into this cesspit, this endless loop of seeking and yearning. I feel like I'm stuck in a state of perpetual discovery; every particle of sand that has been painstakingly removed is being reintroduced with the turn of the hourglass.

As paradoxical as this sounds, I think knowledge is clouding the truth.